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Darling Patrons,

When the person in front of you leaves and I smile at you and say 'One second, please,' I am not speaking in code. I actually mean 'One second, please.' I do not mean 'Please launch immediately into your life story at the speed of Eddie the Eagle."

Sincerely,

Waffles.

I've got to the point where I just get this glazy friendly smile on my face and walk off anyway, leaving them rabbiting away to thin air, so I can do what I needed to do in the first place- usually dumping checks or writing notes from the last person. I've actually found that as long as I return and say 'Hello!' ever-so-brightly as if I have never ever seen them before in my life, they are mainly so dumbtarded that they think I must be a different person from the one they started vomiting their deranged monologues all over a mere twenty seconds ago, and they will happily start their story all over again.

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